The me I always wanted to be! The me I knew was inside but seemed so hard to find.

As a child (6 or 7) I remember a friend's pool party- everyone was wearing cute bathing suits. All of a sudden, the modest bikini I had worn felt like it was calling all attention to me because I was the little chubby kid and after all, even if you were a child- you still needed to be 'skinny' to wear one of THOSE.  So began my lifelong battle with food, emotional eating and my continuous weight battle. From the time I could pick out the joy and laughter I experience now are greater than I could have imagined clothes, I chose the ones that were NOT fitted so I could hide behind the clothes, and behind the extra food I would eat that would cause crazy gains that wouldn't fit into 'fitted' clothes.

I quickly became the witty kid- in fact, in a graduating class of 450+ students my classmates voted me the wittiest senior superlative. The problem again was that this wittiness was a mask. I love joy and laughter- they truly are the BEST medicine, however the joy and laughter I experience now are greater than I could've imagined, because they come from a freedom I've found. For one I no longer feel the need to make myself the object of laughter because of my insecurity.  I used to think it was necessary for me to highlight myself as the 'fat-kid' and over-play it so that I could beat anyone else to it. I had once lost a good amount of weight in 2004- which quickly returned by the summer of 2005. December 23, 2004 I lost my best friend- he was 20 years old, an only child, so full of life. Losing him, I once again used my "coping skills" including emotional eating and gained all the weight back, feeling even more empty then before. That emptiness came from trying to fill that void left in my life with EVERYTHING but Christ. The weight that stared me back from the mirror was a constant reminder of the hurt and pain that I had not dealt with because well, I simply ate.

Instead of dealing with life as it came I piled it on- on the inside and out. I was broken but still wore a smile because everyone knows, "I'm FINE!" I didn't have the energy to play with my nephews- my idea of fun was to have them over and watch a movie, on the couch, while eating (imagine that)... But now, I enjoy special times spent with them taking nature walks, playing football, and a personal favorite- CARTWHEELS in the front yard! It's amazing how much in your heart and mind can change with the loss of 75 lbs.*

I was tired of being my own source of brokenness

I came to find Grace and Strength through a friend who had started the program and looking through her pictures I was so encouraged! But it was by her words I was most encouraged- she said "I finally decided I was worth it." Wow, what a thought I AM worth it. WE are worth it! YOU are WORTH it! My why- I was tired of being my own source of brokenness. I came to the program ready to not only lose weight, but to learn to love me for me- to get to the root of my struggle with food and other things that controlled my life. Not only have I begun learning how all of this fits in God's plan, but I've met some amazing accountability partners, sisters in Christ and wonderful friends who are always full of encouragement just when you need it most!

God's plans are ALWAYS greater than ours!

Philippians 3:12-14

12) Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13) Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14) I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Allie

---

* Individual results may vary.