My weight was a side issue, the real issue has been my heart.

I have struggled with my weight for most of my adult life, going from diet to diet, all to gain the weight back. My weight had begun to take its toll on my small frame, I had an immense amount of back pain, high blood pressure, diabetes and really bad sleep apnea. I longed to be an active Mom/Mimi but I didn't have the energy to do anything that was above my normal activity that had to get done. I was exhausted from the extra weight I was carrying, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I know that I needed to do something or my life was going to be shortened.

I had sought God over this and had heard nothing. I was feeling as though I had 'bothered' HIM with this issue too many times, disappointed HIM too many times, rebelled too many times and HE had just decided to not lead me in the area anymore. So I decided that the only hope I had was to have gastric bypass surgery so I started that procedure. I never felt HIS peace about perusing gastric bypass but I continued to work towards having it done because I felt as though God had turned HIS back on me and I was powerless when it came to food, my choices and my emotional eating.

Fast forward several months....I was in the process of appointments to have the surgery and was within 2-3 months of having it done when I was scrolling through Facebook and came across a page on Grace and Strength. I remember the moment exactly because my husband and I were in a car traveling to Nebraska when this happened. I immediately started to cry. My husband, who thought I had lost my mind asked me why I was crying. I told him I know exactly what God wants me to do, and that afternoon I called my doctor and told them I was canceling all of my appointments for the gastric bypass. At this point I had no idea what Grace and Strength was about except that God was telling me that this is what HE wanted me to do.

So I stepped out in faith and joined and I haven't looked back. God has grown me, challenged me and guided me through this whole journey. My whole thought process has changed and I now see how often I ate my emotions, replacing my deep longing for intimacy with HIM for food. I realized that I never fully trusted HIM and had a very warped sense of HIS love and never fully surrendered my will to HIS. This journey has been difficult and painful at times but I have seen HIS hand of mercy many times while HE was changing my heart.

My weight was a side issue, the real issue has been my heart. I have always felt alone, even when surrounded by people, like I was never enough. Through this journey I have realized that my warped view of God and HIS love contributed to these feelings of inadequacy. How could I see and believe that HE loved me so unconditionally when I thought that HIS forgiveness and grace were like mine, flawed at best? I felt like I had been a disappointment to HIM, continually letting HIM down and failing HIM when in all actuality, HE saw me as HIS beautiful daughter in need of HIS grace, precious and priceless....HIS beloved.

When I came to this realization, my relationship with GOD changed and the weight, spiritual and physical, that weighing me down was lifted. God really used the weekly assignments through Grace and Strength to help me see my true identity in HIM. That I am HIS masterpiece as stated in Ephesians 2:10 and a new creation 2 Corinthians 5:17. I have read those scriptures many times over the years but NOW I believe them to be true! This journey of weight loss may be coming to a close but my journey with HIM is just beginning! I want to quote a podcast I recently listened to because it was simple yet profound in my life..."there wouldn't be a resurrection if it weren't for a crucifixion"! This is something I want to model in my life and my journey.

~Lori

---

* Individual results may vary.