Sharlene's Story

My story deals more with my heart than my physical appearance.

I was never overweight growing up but I recall family members saying to me, "you're putting on a little weight there sissy", so lies began to creep in that I wasn't acceptable if I was "fat". As a senior in high school I wanted to please God but wanted to be with friends more which is when the partying and binging started by the end of my senior year I had put on 15 lbs. and the concern from family members crept in even more. So without understanding the stronghold in my heart this became, I began to diet and purpose to be "thin".

When I was 20 I realized that I had a personal decision to make with the Lord recognizing I was a sinner and that He needed to be the boss of my life not me, since I had already screwed it up!! I was so excited that the Lord had set me free and that I didn't need to depend on a diet or diet group to lose weight but I was entrapped in the lie that I wasn't acceptable if I didn't "look right" so over the years I continued to go to food for comfort and in the process gained more and more weight.

In 2012 I was in nursing school and purposed that I didn't want to be a "fat nurse" so I diligently counted calories and exercised, reaching my goal weight losing 60 lbs. I was so excited, but I was filled with pride and arrogance with all my focus on vanity. After graduating from nursing school my husband and I moved to a new state, following our oldest daughter and her family on a new adventure. During the stress of moving, starting a new career and finding a job I began to put back on the pounds. Over the next 2 1/2 years I gained back 50 lbs. I had dropped all my discipline of counting calories and making good food choices, I thought that since I had lost the 60 lbs. that I had arrived and didn't need to be so disciplined – NOT!!!

I wasn't happy with the weight gain but much more I wondered why I was such a yoyo with my diet and weight. Why did I run to food for comfort when I was happy, stressed, sad or celebrating – why was food my focus? I began searching the Internet for a Christian Weight Loss Program [and] that is when I came across Grace and Strength. I was excited that I could have a Christian Coach and be a part of an online Bible Study with other women across the web. I called and spoke to Cyndi Benson, Founder, on Memorial Day 2016 and decided to join the exchange journey to make good food choices, be held accountable and fellowship with other Christian women online by studying God's Word together.

As I began the journey of Grace and Strength I started taking walks in my neighborhood, I cried out to the Lord, "I just want to be ME – who YOU created me to be!" I wanted to be free from the bondage of other's measure of success that took on for me, especially the lies I had listened to all the years.

The first assignment that rang true to my heart was Idols of the Heart. I realized that to gain freedom I needed to let go of the idols I had been carrying; but what were those idols? Joshua 24:14 spoke loud and clear – "Now, therefore, fear the Lord and serve Him in sincerity and truth and put away the gods which your fathers served beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord, (NASB) I began asking the Lord to reveal to me what were my idols. The next morning I woke up and my first thought was, "I wonder what I weigh today". DING! DING! DING! – Idol #1 – The Scale – my acceptance was based on a number on the scale! Therefore, I surrendered to the Lord and with His strength hit the idol head on – I did not weigh for the next month. This began the process of freedom to enjoy being me and not a false identity by a number on the scale. The remainder of the week I recognized Idol #2 - Sweets - I had grown up with sweets being a basic food group. Breakfast – Sweet Snack at 10 a.m. – Lunch – Sweet Snack at 3 p.m. – Dinner – Snack before bed, i.e. ice cream, popcorn, fudge… and with my Swedish Heritage they knew how to make SWEETS!!! My life and mind was dictated by food and the obsession that if I didn't weigh 120-125 lbs, I wasn't acceptable. Idol #3 – Pride – I had been working through pride as [a] new believer in 1979 but recognizing that my motivation during nursing school was "I didn't want to be a fat nurse" was about me and prideful and not freedom from the bondage of the lies.

As my weight loss journey moved forward, my heart gained freedom from other's comments and rejection. I was able to say, "what I do or don't eat isn't about you but about me." I realized that I didn't have to please others by joining in the indulging. The freedom to choose what I liked to eat versus what my husband liked was new. It was okay if I fixed two different meals or if he cooked his own! I also began to understand having peace with my food choices. If choose something that may not be on my plan, I need to be at peace with that choice before I eat it so I don't walk in condemnation or regret afterwards.

I originally set my goal weight to be 125 lbs but began to realize that I was content with myself and my body at a higher goal weight and that again it wasn't about a number on the scale. If I am happy with my clothes fitting properly and being in a healthy range I was okay, which is a BRAND-NEW FREEDOM for me. I've never been happy with my size/weight/body no matter how I looked. I was always "too fat"…

So now I'm walking in greater freedom with a weight loss of 40 lbs. and 22 inches!!* I'm anticipating maintaining my freedom and not running to food during emotional and stressful times in my life. My daughter has even recognized my change of heart and said, "Mom I believe that you'll never be overweight again". Recently, work has been very stressful and my emotions wanted me to eat fudge as we walked through the Holiday Market but my heart and mind spoke louder and the Holy Spirit has revealed to me that running to food for comfort is not the answer and does not give the peace that I desire.

Thank you, Jesus, for leading me to Grace and Strength and for giving me a motto to join, "JESUS WANTS ME TO INVEST IN ME BECAUSE I'M WORTH IT AND HE WANTS ME TO BE FREE!"

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* Individual results may vary.